Don’t Assume From a Distance Give People Grace
- hollomanhomes11
- Aug 16
- 8 min read
Some life lessons come wrapped in embarrassment, laughter, and a whole lot of squinting.
Back when my eyesight was not exactly up to par, and that is putting it kindly, I learned something about the human brain. When the eyes do not give it enough information, the brain starts making things up.
Not little things either.
It will take a blurry shape down the street, add a familiar walk, sprinkle in a little confidence, and say, “Yep. That is definitely who we think it is.”
And if you are me, you might believe it.
If someone stood close enough, I could recognize them. No problem. But from down the street? Faces were pretty much out of the question. So I did what many people do when they cannot see clearly. I used anything else I could find.
The way a person walked.
The way they stood.
The way they moved their arms.
The way they carried themselves.
Apparently, I had convinced myself I was some kind of long-distance people detector. Spoiler alert, I was not. 😂
I was absolutely sure I knew who I saw
One day, I spotted someone down the street.
Now, when I say I spotted them, please understand that I did not actually see a face. I saw a person-shaped blur with a walk that felt familiar. But in my mind, that was enough.
I was convinced.
That was somebody I knew.
So, with all the confidence in the world, I hollered:
“HEY! IT’S ME!”
Nothing.
No wave.
No smile.
No sign of recognition.
Did I pause and think, “Hmm, maybe I have the wrong person”?
Absolutely not.
I tried again.
“DON’T YOU KNOW ME? IT’S ME!” 😂
Still nothing.
Now, a reasonable person might have taken the silence as a clue. A reasonable person might have said, “Let me wait until I am closer before I announce myself to the whole block.”
But apparently, reason had stepped out for a minute.
So I walked closer.
Because surely the problem was not that I had the wrong person. Surely the problem was that they simply had not heard me, or had not realized that the enthusiastic blurry woman yelling down the street was someone they knew.
I got closer and said again, “Hey! It’s me!”
That is when I saw the look.
You know the look.
The polite but alarmed look.
The “Lady, I have absolutely no idea who you are” look. 😳
And then it hit me.
I did not know them either.
Not even a little bit.
I had been yelling at a stranger.
A complete stranger.
A stranger who was probably just trying to mind their own business and get where they were going, only to be stopped by somebody shouting “IT’S ME!” like that explained everything.
Oh, the embarrassment.
I cleared my throat. I gave one of those little “welllll anyway” smiles. You know the one. The smile you give when you are trying to exit a situation your own confidence created.
Then I tried to walk away like none of it had happened.
But it had happened.
And my face knew it. 😂
My eyes were not the only thing teaching me
That moment taught me something practical right away.
If I could not see a person well enough to truly know who they were, I needed to wait. No more announcing people from half a block away. No more trusting a familiar walk, a familiar jacket, or a familiar shape.
Because sometimes what looks familiar from a distance is not familiar at all.
That lesson started with eyesight, but it did not stay there.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how often we do this in everyday life. We see a little bit of a situation and our brains rush to fill in the rest.
Someone does not wave back, so we think they are ignoring us.
Someone does not call, so we think they do not care.
Someone seems quiet, so we think they are upset with us.
Someone looks distracted, so we think they are being rude.
Someone makes a decision we do not understand, so we decide we know their motives.
But we may be looking from too far away.
We may not have the whole picture.
We may be guessing based on a blur.
That is where grace comes in.
Grace gives people room to be human. It leaves space for the possibility that we do not know everything.
Maybe the person who did not wave back was not ignoring me. Maybe they were tired. Maybe they were worried. Maybe they did not have their glasses on either. Maybe they were looking right through me and still could not place my face.
And let me tell you, as someone who has lived the blurry life, that is very possible. 😂
Then the tables turned on me
The funny part is, after my little “IT’S ME!” incident, it seemed like word got around.
Because eventually other people started doing the same thing to me.
I would be walking somewhere, minding my own business, and from down the street I would hear:
“DONNA!”
I would stop.
Then came the famous line:
“IT’S ME!”
And there I would stand, squinting with my whole soul.
Who is “me”?
Come closer!
Do you know how many people think “me” is a full identification plan? 😂
“IT’S ME!” is only helpful when both people already know who “me” is. If one of us cannot see your face, we are still working with very limited information.
I would hear my name and feel that little panic rise up.
Should I know them?
Do I know them?
Am I about to smile at the wrong person?
Am I about to call somebody by the wrong name?
Is this payback?
Life has a funny way of turning the lesson around so we can feel it from the other side.
Suddenly, I understood even more clearly that people are not always being rude when they do not respond the way we expect. Sometimes they are confused. Sometimes they are unsure. Sometimes they are doing their best with what they can actually see.
And sometimes they are standing there thinking, “Please, Lord, let this person get close enough before I have to guess.” 😂
We make distant assumptions all the time
The eyesight story is funny because the mistake is obvious. I could not see clearly, but I acted like I could.
We do the same thing with people’s lives.
We see one moment and think we understand the whole story.
We hear one sentence and think we know the heart behind it.
We notice one behavior and decide what it means.
But people are carrying things we cannot see from a distance.
They may be grieving and still smiling.
They may be overwhelmed and still showing up.
They may be dealing with health concerns, family stress, financial pressure, loneliness, fear, or plain old exhaustion.
They may not have the words for what they are going through.
They may not be ready to explain.
They may not even understand it all themselves yet.
That is why distant assumptions can be dangerous. They make us judge before we understand. They make us react before we ask. They make us assign motives to people who might be doing the best they can.
A person can look fine and still be struggling.
A person can be quiet without being angry.
A person can pull back without meaning harm.
A person can forget, miss, pause, or fail to respond without having bad intentions.
Of course, grace does not mean ignoring harmful behavior. It does not mean pretending everything is okay when it is not. It does not mean letting people mistreat us over and over.
Grace simply means we do not rush to write the whole story from one blurry scene.
It means we get a little closer before deciding what we think we see.
Getting closer changes what we understand
Getting closer does not always mean physically walking across the street, though in my case, that would have helped from the beginning. 😂
Sometimes getting closer means asking a gentle question.
“Are you okay?”
“Did I misunderstand?”
“Is something going on?”
“Can you help me understand?”
Sometimes it means waiting before reacting.
Sometimes it means giving someone time.
Sometimes it means remembering how many times we have needed grace ourselves.
Because every one of us has had a blurry season.
Maybe not with eyesight, but with life.
We have all had moments when we were distracted, tired, hurt, confused, or not at our best. We have all missed a cue. We have all failed to respond how someone expected. We have all been misunderstood by people who thought they knew what they were looking at.
That is why the lesson matters.
Before deciding someone is rude, careless, distant, cold, or difficult, pause.
Maybe you are not close enough to see clearly yet.
Maybe there is more going on.
Maybe your first interpretation is not the full truth.
A little grace can soften a moment that could have turned hard.
A little patience can save a relationship from unnecessary tension.
A little humility can keep us from embarrassing ourselves in the middle of the street, yelling “IT’S ME!” at someone who has never seen us before in their life. 😂
And yes, I am speaking from experience.
Grace leaves room for what we do not know
The older I get, the more I appreciate people who leave room.
Room for a bad day.
Room for an honest mistake.
Room for confusion.
Room for silence that is not rejection.
Room for a person to be more than the one moment we happened to witness.
That kind of grace is not weakness. It takes strength to pause before judging. It takes maturity to say, “I may not be seeing this clearly.” It takes love to approach people with care instead of suspicion.
And it takes a sense of humor to admit when we were wrong.
I had to admit I was wrong that day on the sidewalk. Very wrong. Loudly wrong. Publicly wrong. 😂
But I am grateful for what the embarrassment gave me.
It gave me a story I can still laugh about.
It gave me a reason to be more patient with people.
It gave me a reminder that my perspective is limited, especially from a distance.
Sometimes what looks obvious is only obvious because we filled in the blanks ourselves.
That is true with faces down the street.
It is true with friendships.
It is true with family.
It is true with strangers.
It is true with the people we think we know well.
We can love people better when we stop assuming we have perfect vision into their lives.
I still wait until people get closer
To this day, I do not make distant assumptions if I can help it.
If I cannot see you well enough to know it is you, I am waiting until you get closer. I may smile. I may wave cautiously. I may give a friendly little “Heyyy” that can apply to almost anybody. But I am not declaring your identity from half a block away. I learned the hard way.
Sometimes what looks familiar from a distance is not familiar at all.
And the deeper lesson still follows me.
Don’t Assume From a Distance Give People Grace.
Give people a little room before you decide what their actions mean.
Give them the benefit of a question before you hand them the weight of a judgment.
Give yourself permission to say, “I might not have the whole picture.”
Sometimes the person who does not wave back is not ignoring you.
Sometimes the person who does not recognize you is not being rude.
Sometimes the person who seems off is carrying something heavy.
And sometimes the woman yelling “IT’S ME!” from halfway down the block cannot see your face either. 😂❤️👓
So get a little closer before deciding what you think you see.
Not just with your eyes.
With your heart, too.
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